When kids fight, our instinct is to just make it stop—fast. We say things like “enough!” or “go to your rooms!” But while that might stop the noise, it doesn’t teach them anything useful for next time. If we want our children to grow into emotionally intelligent humans who can handle life’s curveballs, we need to teach them how to resolve conflicts, not just silence them.
The first step is staying calm yourself. If you’re yelling while telling them not to yell, the message gets lost. Create a safe space where both kids feel heard. Let each child explain what happened, one at a time, without interruptions. Then, repeat what they said so they feel understood—this builds empathy. Ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” and “What do you think your sibling felt?”
The goal isn't to pick sides but to guide them toward understanding each other's perspectives. From there, encourage them to come up with a solution together. You can suggest ideas if needed, but let them do the heavy lifting. That way, they learn ownership of the outcome.
It's also helpful to talk about conflicts outside the heat of the moment. Role-playing or discussing what went wrong later on gives them tools to use in the future. Conflict resolution is a skill—it needs time, practice, and patience to develop. But the rewards? Huge.
Kids who learn to navigate disagreements with empathy and communication grow into adults who can handle tough conversations and relationships better. That’s a lifelong gift we can give them.
Its not easy. But it’s worth it.
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